And why should that be a big deal, people move all the time. But have you priced rentals in commuting distance of Orange County California? To find a place that we can afford to rent that will rent to our large family sets the bar even higher.
Impossible. and every year it gets harder.
Prospective landlords don't see us on paper as a one big family that works together to be able to take care of the children. They see two couples and our current social standards say they should have their own places. Throwing grandma in with one of them, but three last names? that is just too many people.
Forget that the cost of childcare and rent combined is putting parenthood out of reach for many people in the generations represented by my kids. I think there are other advantages to our living arraignment. I think we are good for the environment; though we use more utilities than a small household, we use less than two or three separate households if we split up. We are more financially stable because if one person loses a job it represents a smaller percentage of the household income. We are more dependable workers; we have in house child care so it is seldom someone has to miss work for a sick child and if a car breaks down it is more likely that we can still work together to get them to work.
We don't like to move. We like to put down roots, know out neighbors. We want our kids to not have to change schools every year or two. Mostly we have done well, for renters.
But buying seemed impossible.
I grew up in a home that was rebuilt from a falling down, weekend house. My dad did it all himself. When we lost that house in a flood, he never had the heart to have a house again. When we moved to Florida, we lived in a 30' travel trailer through my HS years. I got married too young to get out.
People who own homes mostly think it is no big deal, that is just what people do. But to people who have lost homes, who have always rented, who have always struggled, actually being in a position to buy seems so far out of reach that we cannot even imagine how to get there.
But moving and moving and moving at he capricious will of people and events that you can't predict, that is killer stress. Being subjected, year after year, to rent raises for no other reason than that they can, that the market can bear it, that makes the ability to work towards owning even more difficult. Every time you start to feel like you are making progress towards a goal, you get knocked back by increased expenses.
So when when we were told we needed to move. Again. We looked at each other and went into our High Anxiety but Try Not to Freak Out the Kids mode. Then I got up from not sleeping and said "Talk to Amanda (our real estate agent) and see if there is any way we can possibly find a way to buy."
And now here we are staring at each other in disbelief. We bought a house. It isn't the best; the neighborhood is just ok (we hope), it is a bit longer commute, the floor plan has some quirks, and it needs some help. But we have a house. We can make it a home. We can settle in and the only crazy landlord we have to worry about is us.
The impossible has become reality, and I'm still in a bit of emotional shock.
I never thought I would own a home. I know it will feel different and I'm super happy for my kids. I don't know how I feel. Honestly, even though it was 50 years ago, I still have some PTSD from when we lost the house in the flood. I don't know if I can ever feel settled and safe. I don't know if there will ever be a time when I don't wake up sometimes in the middle of the night feeling like something horrible could happen.
But this isn't about me, this is about us. My kids have a home. My grand kids have a home. It is going to be an adventure. I don't even know what it means to have that level of security.
When I finally got to go to the Grand Canyon a few years ago, I was worried that after all the anticipation I would be disappointed. But it was so awesome I cried. I'm hanging on to that, because I am absolutely terrified that somehow this will be a bad decision and a terrible mistake, but I'm hoping for that moment when I can look around and know all is well.
But first, this stuff isn't going to move itself.
