Wednesday, October 12, 2016

Reflections on coming out.

Yesterday was National Coming Out Day.  Several of my friends posted on Facebook, relating their own experiences or some memory.  I am really proud of them for the courage.  But I also have to admit that when I think about myself, there is some confused feelings.

I don't even know if I really have the words to explain.

I hear people talk about knowing when they were really young.  I also was aware of sexual feelings when I was pretty young.  But always, always, there was something in my culture that carried a burden of shame for each and every feeling.  Boys, bad.  Girls, out of bounds.  The feelings of being in my own skin, shut it down.  The hidden parts of my body, nasty, and keep them hidden.

I have felt attractions to a lot of different people and a lot of different experiences.  But I have mostly felt that I never really was given options.  I was given a limited menu, and I picked everything I was offered.  I never knew a way to reach out and ask for something more.

And now I feel it is too late.  I will never know if I would have enjoyed ordering off the menu.  Heck, I can't even seem to get the waiter's attention anymore.

But I just want to make sure my friends know, in case they didn't, that I am all in favor of them being real, being free, and never having to hide all of who they are. All that shame stuff, that has done so much damage to everyone.

And life is too short to wait to love with all your heart.

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