Tuesday, May 10, 2016

Making babies.

So, I have had these thoughts tripping over each other in my head, and it didn't help that Mother's day just happened, with all *that* posting... 

So, this may be disjointed and no, it is not about how babies are made, but more about the decision process, or lack of it, in becoming a parent.

I heard a term a few weeks ago I hadn't heard in, well, years.  Zero Population Growth.  The idea that the earth has enough people and we need to stop increasing.  It is the responsible thing to do for the future of the earth.  Unfortunately, we have already gone far beyond what was considered the top when I last heard this term, oh, 30+ years ago.

It is a touchy subject.  I know people who believe with all their sweet hearts that they should have as many children as God flings at them with no interference in the process.  Unfortunately, I also know that abuse towards children is statistically more frequent in families who had many children out of obligation rather than desire.  

I also feel extra bad about people who live in poverty in violent areas who have many children but only a few survive.  And even fewer thrive and have a better life.

I also feel really sad for people who are responsible and wait and have medical problems and, oh a zillion other reasons, and when they try to have a child are not able to.

There are people trying to adopt who run into walls and children that need parents that somehow never find that home.  

And you would think, I would think, that somehow, sometime, it would all level out.  I would also think that at some point enough people would understand enough about the basic process and what children need to grow to healthy adulthood that we would become more realistic about the mechanics of sexuality and stop screwing around with no common sense.

There is no way that I can think of to humanely limit human reproduction.  Any idea to limit people involves forcing some kind of medical procedure, and that violates morals and ethics all over the place.  

I do know that children who are raised with more open knowledge and understanding of their bodies are more likely to make good decisions about their sexuality.  So my question is, how do we take this away from shame based discussions and talk about it in the same way we talk about healthy diets and washing behind your ears?  

I wish I knew.

You know, I never intended to have kids, but I was raised with all kind of shame and mis-information.  It turned out ok, or so far it has.  I had two husbands and three kids, so I maintained zero.  My kids are not overdoing it, either.  

But also, on the tail end of national feel guilty about your mom day, I also want to say:

If you want kids you can't have, I'm so sorry.
If you have kids you don't want, I'm so sorry.
If you don't want kids and never have, hey cool.
But if you have a bunch or want a bunch, I'm sorry, I get it, but I don't agree with it, and please be good to them. 

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