I am feeling...irritated? Frustrated? Discouraged?
So, I belong to a hobby group (you know who you are) but it could just as well be read as club, or church, or gaming community, because I have seen the same behaviors in all of those.
And sometimes you could even say family or workplace.
And this group gathers based on a mutual interest. They are passionate and they have high ideals and great plans to be this fun, supportive, educational, whatever community. They have spoken and unspoken definitions of what it is to be one of them, and who is to be viewed with disdain, who is in, who is out, who gets recognized, praised, rewarded, whatever.
And then they get mean. Oh, not all of them, but groups within the groups get power and start using it to keep other people from getting all the good cookies. I expect that in so much of life, but if this organization gives some lip service to good manners, or service, or loving one another, then it makes me want to scream in someones face.
And no, I'm not being naive, I understand that that is just how the world works. Man is nasty, political animal who often doesn't play well with others. I realize that I keep foolishly hoping that people will think things through once in a while and at least try to behave the way they say they believe. And of course, I keep getting my hope cruelly smashed all to shit.
So, why are there so many songs about rainbows? 'Cause there is always a dreamer, someplace. And me.