Friday, February 27, 2015

Spock Crush

Why would a teenage girl lust after a TV character whose main trait is a lack of emotion?

Well, I mean besides the part that he was beautiful in an exotic way.

I don't know about the generations that followed me, but I can speculate about those in my own age range, we who were just beginning to blossom when the voyages of the starship Enterprise first flew across our screens.

I think it's a daddy issue.  Think about it, our daddy's were of the age when men were men.  They were WWII vets.  Their role models were John Wayne and James Arness.  Our dads were tough and hard and distant, or pretended to be.

It was the dawning of the age of aquarius - barely.  Family gender roles that had been set in stone were just beginning to shake and shift.  Hair was growing longer and freer, flowers were beginning to be added.  And hey, maybe all wars were not noble.

And here comes this series set in the future that pushed the boundaries of what you could talk about on TV.  There were races working together, including (gasp) a Russian!  There was the first interracial kiss on TV (even if they were forced by aliens, and they didn't really show it).

So, here is your average young geek girl, feeling her hormones stir.  Her daddy is a man of his time, cold and distant.  Of all those hunky guys on that starship bridge, why Mr. Spock?

Really?

Because what could be hotter than dream about being irresistible and eliciting emotions from this beautiful man that doesn't do emotions.

If you can dream that, maybe you can even dream of a daddy that can express love, and maybe, someday, someone else as well.

I have admired Leonard Nimoy for many reasons in the years sense, and I am joining with many others today, marking his end on this plain with tears in my eyes.

And lust in my heart.

Sunday, February 22, 2015

The magic of the story

I'm a Disney girl.

Oh, I don't run around sporting the characters and I don't know all the trivia.  But the magic of Disney has been a part of my whole life.  Disney land opened when I was four days old, and in my childhood the TV shows were not to be missed.  My family didn't go to movies much, but I would usually get to tag along with someone's family when a new came out.  Didn't make it to the park 'till I was 10.

Living just down the freeway, my kids had a different experience, especially my youngest, and annual passes became a part of our lives.  We have all learned a lot over the years: map reading skills, line and crowd patience, and about the magic.

You find the magic of Walt's dream woven throughout the park.  It is in the details.  When your eyes roam you often notice little bits of detail and decoration so that, no matter how often you go, you can still find surprise and delight.  It is in the constant music that always adds to the sense of place.  It is in the almost obsessive attention to keeping it clean.

And it is in the story.

Every path you walk down, every ride you ride, has a story.  You feel that even if you don't notice it.  I became acutely aware of this recently because I noticed a few exceptions.

Now I'm not talking about the rides that are just zippy, flippy fun action rides, though those often have a story as well.  But I'm thinking more of the classic get in a decorated pod on a track and go through the story ride.  It can be a wild ride through the western mountains and almost getting blown up.  It can be seeing so many experiences through Pinocchio's eyes, and then that elusive glimpse of  the blue fairy near the end.  It can even be going through all the countries of the world, and right after you pass through the US everyone is all in the same beautiful white and gold land singing together. (So we are the closest thing to heaven?)

So, these exceptions, well, I really don't want to name names, but...

There are a couple of the more recently added rides, oh, 5 years or so, that don't have the story.  Oh, they have sequential scenes based on a movie or based on some characters,  but that is all it is, a series of scenes.  You ride past and think 'Oh, look, that's the part from the movie where...' and you come out thinking about how cleverly they handled the technology, but you don't feel you went on an adventure.  They ride didn't have it's own story.

And that matters, and I will say it again and again, so much of who we are, so much what we remember and how we think of ourselves, depends on the stories we tell.  And for all the detail and the wonder and special effects, stop telling the stories in the Disney rides and you have lost the heart of Walt's magic.

And in the magic of our own journeys through life remember: details matter, music sets the mood, cleanliness makes things nicer, and always, always, remember to tell your story.


Saturday, February 14, 2015

Love today

Cheese and crackers.  That was our special treat for those times when we had the house to ourselves, lingering in bed late at night or on a weekend morning.  We would ply each other with cheese and crackers and more cuddles, and more. Then he got a better job and we got a microwave, and miracle of miracles, we moved up the food chain to nachos.

I see so many of the younger couples I know struggling with adversary, wanting to give more to each other and their children, and I just have to smile.  I want to grab them and hold them and help them know, these are your good times.

Now, don't get me wrong, cars that run and Disneyland, being able to take a sick kid to the doctor and still eat, money in the bank and fun on the weekend, all that stuff is great.

But those hard times, those lean times; testing the limits of what you can do without and still love each other and still make fun for your kids, those times are priceless.

This is how your kids learn to hang tough and make their own joy when times are hard.  They grow in confidence and find out that it is ok to swim against the stream.

And this is when you really get to know that your relationship is not about what you have, but the people you are when you are together.  The whole of your relationship, your family, is so much more than any of you can be alone.

And yes, I know you can't see this right now.  Right now you see car problems. Right now you are wondering how the rent is going to be paid.  Right now you may be dodging a bill collector, facing a lay-off, or looking at a little plastic stick with a plus sign and going "Crap, now what?"

But one day, one of you will be alone, looking back, and thinking about cheese and crackers in bed, and rolling in the crumbs.  And you will smile and wish that you had appreciated how good it was at the time.

Hold your love close, this is the time you have, this is the life you have. Treasure it. Happy Valentine Day.

Thursday, February 5, 2015

What I think I believe, for now.

I try not to get in these conversations about spiritual/religious practices.  But sometimes I do, and I'm trying really hard to figure out how to say what I mean.

I think a relationship with God is very individualized, so it isn't supposed to look the same for each person.

I don't think rituals are necessary.  They can be helpful to some people, but for other people they just get in the way.

I don't think you have to be a great scholar or theologian.  I think God meets us where we are, who we are, and works with us to be our best self.  Some people do that better with books and deep study and convoluted theories, other's don't.

I don't think you have to go to a regular meeting, but if that is useful to you I think that is great.

I think God is love and the opposite is fear.  I find myself highly suspect of any spiritual system that seems to build more fear.

I think people are born/created with natural gifts and talents.  I don't think we understand all that much about them, have not begun to imagine our possibilities.

I think that spirituality that denies science is not well informed.

I think science that denies spirituality is limiting the scope of study.

I think it has always been about relationship with God.  People often need to make it more complicated, and he/she lets us because we are completely understood.

And I understand about being hurt by other people and wanting them to get what is coming to them.  I understand about thinking that there needs to be clear rules, right and wrong, lightness and dark.  But on this earth, in this life, we have been asked to walk this path between the mount of blessing and the mount of curses, and that path is a path of trust.  Sometimes there is ambiguity, because that is part of learning about the ways that it is not just about what I want.

And I know that I have more path to walk, more to learn, some of this may change, and your milage may vary.  More and more I think it is also about being ok with that as well.  In the end, I don't think it is about how far I get on the path or the end of the journey, but rather about trusting the next step and being at peace with my traveling companions.

Tuesday, February 3, 2015

Pondering the pivotal

In early 1970 my parents moved me from my Southern California Jr High to a small town in Florida where K-12 were all basically on the same campus.  This move happened in the middle of the school year, and happened to be the first year this school was integrated.  I cannot even, for the purposes of this post, begin to explain the levels of culture shock to my little, hippy Jesus freak spirit.

But the school was also going through it's own shocks, so I really don't know how much of my experience was my own dislocation or the times.  This was a very old school with so many established traditions, in a time when traditions were being challenged left and right.

One whole set of traditions concerned honoring Seniors.  There was a prime section of the cafeteria reserved for the Seniors.  When we had school assemblies, the front center section was left empty.  Then everyone would stand to honor the Seniors as they marched in to fill their reserved seats.

My Junior year the continuation of these traditions was put to the entire 7-12 grades.  My senior year, seniors went unhonored.

I have this suspicion that if only the Seniors had voted, my class would still have enjoyed all these honors.  And being a member of that pivotal class,  I could really see it both sides so clearly: to continue the tradition and give honor to those who had worked for years, or to discontinue the tradition in keeping with this new era of equality.

I have often seen this same struggle in the various organizations I have been part of throughout my life, the struggle between maintaining traditions and moving forward to more inclusion.  There is never a way to make everyone happy, and there are always going to be some who feel especially wronged or slighted in the process.

You might think that I would have some profound insight by this time.  I don't.  I still think people who have worked hard deserve to be honored, but that everyone should have access to all the cookies.  I still think traditions are lovely and give us a sense of history, and can also bog us down and keep us from needed growth and change.  I still think that we need the wisdom of those who came before, but that everyone should have a voice and be heard.

We are able to do things united into organizations that are beyond the reach of individuals.  But is it inevitable that organizations will always come to a place where the individual often feels devalued?  I don't know. Ask me again on another day and I might think I do, but for right now, this evening, I'm just to tired of the struggle in my own thoughts and feelings to even keep the conversation going.